{"id":4406,"date":"2022-03-24T11:56:42","date_gmt":"2022-03-24T15:56:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/?p=4406"},"modified":"2022-03-24T12:10:16","modified_gmt":"2022-03-24T16:10:16","slug":"empty-pop-bottles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/empty-pop-bottles\/","title":{"rendered":"EMPTY POP BOTTLES: Player-vs.-Player Mechanics Ranked Based on How Angry They&#8217;d Make Mr. John Denver"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<style>\n#c3{\n  top: 20px;\n  left: 20px;\nposition: fixed;\nwidth: 100%;\nheight: 100%;\n\n}\n<\/style>\n<iframe id=\"c3\" src=\"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/invasion_CLIENT_fullscreen_2\/\"><\/iframe>\n\n<script>\nvar isSafari = navigator.vendor && navigator.vendor.indexOf('Apple') > -1;\nconsole.log(isSafari);\n\nif (isSafari == true){\n   var a = document.getElementById(\"c3\");\n   a.remove();\n   console.log(\"c3 element removed\");\n}\n\n<\/script>\n\n\n\n<p>Folk-country legend Mr. John Denver was a complicated man.&nbsp; He was every bit as complicated as the probable internet feuds about his legacy\u2014100-retweet tumblr screeds where the lines of indentation collapse into impossible geometries of infohazard hell\u2014a legacy that was tainted by domestic violence and self-destructive behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>John died in a plane crash in 1997, the same year <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Ultima_Online\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Ultima Online<\/em><\/a> released.&nbsp; In their review of the accident, the National Transportation Safety Board suggested that the reason the plane went down was its eccentric fuel-tank switching <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/John_Denver#Death\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/John_Denver#Death\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">mechanism<\/a>.&nbsp; After a morning of touch-and-go\u2019s, ascending and descending like the high breezes rolling over the Rockies, his primary tank was barren.&nbsp; He needed to swap to a full one.&nbsp; He couldn\u2019t.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=5f7Qa15H6oo&amp;ab_channel=Nipstersongs1\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=5f7Qa15H6oo&amp;ab_channel=Nipstersongs1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Fire and rain<\/a>, and all that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>The man John Denver and the myth, or tall tale, of him differ, as is the case with many musicians from that era, and every era now and in any conceivable future.&nbsp; Much has been made about his anger, and with good reason:&nbsp; this dude literally <em>cut his marital bed apart with a <\/em><a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/musicoholics.com\/backstage-stories\/the-rise-and-sudden-fall-of-country-boy-john-denver\/\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/musicoholics.com\/backstage-stories\/the-rise-and-sudden-fall-of-country-boy-john-denver\/\" target=\"_blank\"><em>chainsaw<\/em><\/a> in a property dispute with his ex-wife.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>My buddy once destroyed a table because of <em>League of Legends<\/em>.&nbsp; His rage (and fists) split it right in half.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Anger issues are a big mood for me.  That same friend will attest that\u2014on one of the occasions where he unselfishly braved the swamp gas and night fog to do a wellness check on me\u2014I\u2019ve given my face, hands, and 1970s wall paneling a good thrashing, if anything done at the cusp of full mental breakdown can be considered \u201cgood.\u201d&nbsp; The ghosts in my room are looking at me shaking their heads.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Multiplayer video games often have a glow surrounding them, one not-unlike Denver\u2019s surface sheen.&nbsp; People love cowboys.&nbsp; They love \u201cstanding for something.\u201d&nbsp; They adore displays of skill.&nbsp; But do they love Red Dead Redemption\u2019s multiplayer mode?&nbsp; The answer is <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theverge.com\/2019\/1\/15\/18183843\/red-dead-online-black-character-racism\" target=\"_blank\">complicated<\/a>, but basically, yeah\u2014they just have different ways of showing their love (and their hate).&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>And those ways often clash with other players\u2019 personal values.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>And those ways often piss people off.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>A lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>But what does a dead cultural icon think of the player vs. player machine-gun shuffle that is modern multiplayer gaming?&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I channeled the gentle, bespectacled soul of Mr. John Denver to find out, and ranked multiplayer game mechanics based on how angry I felt they would make him.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\" style=\"font-size:28px\"><strong>Killing Other Players (<em>Various Games<\/em>)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Denver\u2019s lyrics from <em>\u201c<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=twQB29LNvCk&amp;ab_channel=Robertsmom214\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Paradise<\/a><em>\u201d<\/em> (\u201c&#8230;and we&#8217;d shoot with our pistols \/ But empty pop bottles was all we would kill\u201d) suggests an almost Buddhist view of directed violence that comes from a life spent largely among nature.&nbsp; What would such a man say about the wanton destruction of virtual life, with all of its game-related consequences\u2014many measured in time spent, time <em>wasted<\/em>\u2014and the shadow such a thing casts on the very real human moodscape occupied by players.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Since he was no stranger to nights spent drinking alone (or drinking <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/groovyhistory.com\/john-denver-down-to-earth-country-boy#:~:text=John%20Denver%20is%20said%20to,have%20been%20prepared%20for%20it.\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/groovyhistory.com\/john-denver-down-to-earth-country-boy#:~:text=John%20Denver%20is%20said%20to,have%20been%20prepared%20for%20it.\" target=\"_blank\">alone<\/a>, with everyone else present, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/archive\/politics\/1997\/10\/15\/denver-flying-illegally-at-time-of-crash\/9afe5aab-1de6-4595-b551-96a8173f888d\/\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/archive\/politics\/1997\/10\/15\/denver-flying-illegally-at-time-of-crash\/9afe5aab-1de6-4595-b551-96a8173f888d\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">at 45 MPH<\/a>), I have a hard time believing that the ability to kill a virtual self (even one belonging to someone else) would\u2019ve phased John much.&nbsp; Those old bottles, after all, are just toys, hollow targets for sharpening a skill, and I feel like he would\u2019ve seen game avatars the same way.&nbsp; <em>Ultima Online\u2019s<\/em> virtual-yous were even known as \u201cpaperdolls.\u201d&nbsp; Whether you\u2019re dressed in black robes with a halberd, or dressed in neon with a cute mask, it\u2019s all just a costume for a plaything.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you wound the soul when you do pretend violence to a grainy sprite?&nbsp; Does the juicy hand-eye hoodoo of energy bolt and explosion landing on an enemy player act like pins jammed into an enchanted effigy representing a flesh and blood foe?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s my belief John would say \u201cNo,\u201d to both questions, then quickly follow with \u201cbut I\u2019d rather blow holes in an old pop bottle because it\u2019s more satisfying, and I ain\u2019t no <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Lord_British\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Lord_British\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Lord, or British<\/a>, I\u2019m just a son of a country son.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-vivid-red-color has-text-color\">ANGER RATING: One-quarter of a Tank of Fuel Spent Raging<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\" style=\"font-size:28px\"><strong>The Ability to Chat Globally (<em>Various Games<\/em>)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Chat functionality has infamously been the place in many games where the mask of player civility starts to slip.&nbsp; <em>League of Legends<\/em>, a competitive romp notorious for its horrific community, even considered banning cross-team chat in games until, presumably, they realized that removing the main source of toxicity would kill the only thing people found compelling about their game.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>League uses the \u201cfree with in-game purchases\u201d economic model that\u2019s become popular with free to play games, allowing people to purchase cosmetics like \u201cskins\u201d that change how your character looks.&nbsp; I\u2019m not saying there\u2019s an overlap between obsession with skins and a penchant for hurling insults that target skin-color, but maybe Riot Games\u2014the makers of <em>League<\/em>\u2014feared killing the chat because of the backlash it would get from its biggest purchasers.&nbsp; Totally not saying that players who purchase skins in <em>League<\/em> are more toxic than average.&nbsp; Once again, I am not saying that people who purchase skins, like <a href=\"https:\/\/www.reddit.com\/r\/leagueoflegends\/comments\/1mebeo\/why_is_lucian_black_but_hired_gun_lucian_white\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the one that gives Lucian vitiligo<\/a> (<em>allegedly<\/em>) are toxic or call people \u201cfeeder niggers.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>But regardless, I wanted to see what one of the greatest bards of the 1960s thought about the ability to communicate remotely, semi-anonymously, over the now-ubiquitous network of pipes\u2014or some damn devilry\u2014that run above or underneath those country roads he sang so much about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I asked ACorridorFullOfJews, a self-described \u201ccasually competitive\u201d <em>League<\/em> player to interview the ghost of John Denver, which the Estate\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/nintendo-power-issue-1\/\" data-type=\"post\" data-id=\"3682\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">conjurers<\/a> may or may not have had success in summoning (he didn\u2019t say anything, but his presence, his mojo, was definitely felt).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-pale-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">ACorridorFullOfJews (Yasuo): hey faggot<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-pale-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">Mr John Denver (Bard):&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-pale-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">ACorridorFullOfJews (Yasuo): hey i\u2019m talking to u<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-pale-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">Mr John Denver (Bard):&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-pale-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">ACorridorFullOfJews (Yasuo): you gonna leave the pad fuckwit?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-pale-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">Mr John Denver (Bard):&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-pale-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">ACorridorFullOfJews (Yasuo): fucking faggot, worse bard NA lmao<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-pale-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">Mr John Denver (Bard):&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-vivid-red-color has-text-color\">ANGER RATING: ???? of a Tank of Fuel Spent Raging<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\" style=\"font-size:28px\"><strong>Game Invasion (<em>Dark Souls Trilogy, Elden Ring<\/em>, FROM Software 2010-2022)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Imagine you\u2019re playing a game, and someone just appears and slaps your face.&nbsp; That\u2019s a little bit like what games with \u201cplayer invasion\u201d mechanics, such as FROM Soft\u2019s charmingly difficult <em>Dark Souls<\/em> series, allow for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>These games connect players to the internet when they start, but then proceed as a mostly solo experience where you fight in a duel of wits against monsters and your own inability to learn from your mistakes.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Dark Souls<\/em> keeps players on their toes through encounters with challenging, but fathomable enemies and occasionally throws a curveball in the form of another player barging in on this rote struggle to completely fuck everything up.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Having been invaded several times, I can say that the experience is jarring.&nbsp; Watching an enemy that moves like you\u2014with all the hesitation, cautiousness and crass opportunism of a conscious being\u2014is a weird thing when you\u2019ve been fighting AI-controlled bad guys for hours.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>For me, a social retard IRL who is primarily pegged by <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/matthewbarr.co.uk\/bartle\/\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/matthewbarr.co.uk\/bartle\/\" target=\"_blank\">Bartle<\/a> as a \u201cSocializer\u201d and \u201cKiller\u201d, a lot of this game feels like the second verse in \u201c<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=TcHT3YBpvUs&amp;ab_channel=realpocobyrds\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=TcHT3YBpvUs&amp;ab_channel=realpocobyrds\" target=\"_blank\">Prisoners<\/a>\u201d\u2014a diligent fight against loneliness, immersed in fantasy, awaiting signs of others that appear too infrequently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>But I can\u2019t help wondering what Denver, a world class performer known for his love of his fellow man, would\u2019ve thought of the social aspects of Dark Souls.&nbsp; It\u2019s hard to think that the idea of invaders (red-colored, in a coincidental reversal of his \u201c<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=We5GrRd0t2w\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=We5GrRd0t2w\" target=\"_blank\">Wooden Indian<\/a>\u201d lyrics) being beaten into submission by a host and their spirit allies (white, again by coincidence) wouldn\u2019t warm his heart a little bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Then again, the home\u2014at least the idea of it\u2014was seemingly a sacred place to him.  Just the concept of being allowed to transgress the sanctity of privacy (even for fun) might piss him off.&nbsp; I can picture John imbibing a little too much \u201cEstus,\u201d sensing some mortal threat to Annie or the children (a big part of his life, because as he put it: \u201cI&#8217;ll tell you the best thing about me. <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/people.com\/archive\/cover-story-john-denvers-unsung-story-vol-11-no-8\/\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/people.com\/archive\/cover-story-john-denvers-unsung-story-vol-11-no-8\/\" target=\"_blank\">I&#8217;m some guy&#8217;s dad; I&#8217;m some little gal&#8217;s dad.<\/a>\u201d), then turning his fully upgraded scythe from \u2018farmin\u2019 tool\u2019 to \u2018Castle Doctrine enforcer\u2019 in heartbeat.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-vivid-red-color has-text-color\">ANGER RATING: About half of a Tank of Fuel Spent Raging<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\" style=\"font-size:28px\"><strong>Tails\u2019 Ability to Carry Sonic (<em>Sonic the Hedgehog 3<\/em>, SEGA 1994)&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s how socially retarded I am:&nbsp; I can\u2019t help but turn pro-social game mechanics on their head, and can\u2019t understand why people get pissed when I do this.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Ask anyone who will admit to playing <em>Dungeons &amp; Dragons<\/em> with me (if you can find them).&nbsp; Ask the administrators of a <em>Starseige: Tribes<\/em> server running the mod where certain weapons kill people even with team damage set to off (you definitely won\u2019t be able to find them).&nbsp; Ask my therapist Waylon (you can probably find him, but please don\u2019t do this or I\u2019ll have to answer hard questions like \u201cDo you think you\u2019re still grieving for your dad?\u201d, \u201cWhat feelings are <em>behind<\/em> the anger?\u201d or \u201cWhy the fuck would you give out my name in an article you wrote for a real estate website?\u201d).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Long story short.&nbsp; The popular platformer <em>Sonic the Hedgehog 3<\/em> was a two player game.&nbsp; It allowed one person to play as Sonic, and one to play Tails.&nbsp; Tails could fly and swim.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Tails could pick Sonic up and carry him to help (!) him with his platforming activities (getting to a higher place, traveling over lava, etc).&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Tails could also be a complete fucking piece of shit\u2014and I must\u2019ve been raised in a barn, just not in the good Colorado subsistence farming way because this is how I did it\u2014by moving Sonic <em>into<\/em> obstacles that could kill him, or at least make him lose his precious rings.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Regarding his marriage to actress Cassandra Delaney, John Denver once said, \u201c&#8230;she managed to make a fool of me from one end of the valley to the other.\u201d&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I was going to say that I did that with Tails\u2014slamming my friends into spike traps, treading water just above them so they couldn\u2019t complete a tenuous underwater jump while their breath ran out, or treating them like I was Mohammad Atta and they were just along for the deathride in the boss battle where Sonic has no choice but to be carried by Tails\u2014but I won\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I won\u2019t, because I was actually the fool.&nbsp; The autist, really.&nbsp; I\u2019m the fucking moron who didn\u2019t get that when you fuck with people (fuck with them until they pull your controller out in frustration), they\u2019ll be unlikely to play with you in the future.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m still that fool.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>What nice things could John Denver, a charitable, rightways man who did a benefit concert for the victims of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.chicagotribune.com\/news\/ct-xpm-1986-10-10-8603160583-story.html\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.chicagotribune.com\/news\/ct-xpm-1986-10-10-8603160583-story.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Chernobyl<\/a>, say about me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m a social recluse, a shy-away-from-work NEET who makes things for an <a href=\"http:\/\/www.miserytourism.com\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"http:\/\/www.miserytourism.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">outsider arts website<\/a>.&nbsp; I\u2019m a game designer whose work-life balance philosophy is like a dark version of the narrator in \u201c<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=QRuCPS_-_IA&amp;ab_channel=JohnDenverVEVO\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=QRuCPS_-_IA&amp;ab_channel=JohnDenverVEVO\" target=\"_blank\">Thank God I\u2019m a Country Boy<\/a>\u201d who plays Sally good (?) and all fucking day and doesn\u2019t give a fuck about The Lord or his wife.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>If anything, John would be angry at me.&nbsp; He wouldn\u2019t blame the Sonic Team devs and that\u2019s fine, since, frankly, they\u2019re blamed for every fucking other thing.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>He would start revving up in my room, freshly gassed and ready to do tons of damage, like a damn <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=iR_K7gqUuDI&amp;ab_channel=Fromage\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=iR_K7gqUuDI&amp;ab_channel=Fromage\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">freak<\/a>.&nbsp; The fact that my bed is a mattress on the floor might hinder his cutting it up (especially if he stops to give me life lessons in his gentle, mid-western tone).&nbsp; He would do a double take at my walls.&nbsp; \u201cWhy are these already destroyed?\u201d is what I imagine him saying, as he stands there mumbling about the vaguely-<a href=\"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/IMG_20191125_131318_11CS.jpg\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/IMG_20191125_131318_11CS.jpg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">maroon stains and battered sheetrock<\/a>.&nbsp; He would run through the house kicking imaginary doors off of their hinges, which, like in <em>Schindler\u2019s List, <\/em>would <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=veztNJQyRJg\" target=\"_blank\">amount<\/a> to a \u201csmall pile,\u201d maybe, depending on the state of disrepair my home is currently in.&nbsp; He might trip on a sideways plant (marijuana reference, or just more filth?).&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>But being a decent, honest, and compassionate guy (<a href=\"https:\/\/genius.com\/John-denver-goodbye-again-lyrics\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">at least with strangers who gave him adoration<\/a>), Mr. John Denver would probably become more sad than frustrated, then go outside and use his chainsaw to cut some timber.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWood, for the winter,\u201d is what he\u2019d say as he pointed to the fruits of his labor, \u201cAnd please, clean up your gosh darn life, if you can.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:10px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-vivid-red-color has-text-color\">ANGER RATING: A Full Tank of Fuel Spent Raging and Cutting Lumber<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Folk-country legend Mr. John Denver was a complicated man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":4409,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"gallery","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-gallery","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","post_format-post-format-gallery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4406","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4406"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4406\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4409"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondthelastestate.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}