Year 10\u2078 \u2013 Messier 1 (The Crab Nebula)\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
99997979 years after Kanye West changes his name to Ye<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
The galaxy sized flesh cruiser HuffPost shudders across the otherwise dead sky. From afar it looks like a single, peach colored chunk of silicon but zoom in and we can see the truth. It is made up of a trillion screaming faces, <\/i>trapped in an endless loop of suffering. Zoom further, turn a microphone on, and you will hear them. It isn\u2019t a scream. It\u2019s the roar of a billion different sentences.<\/p>\n
These cured meats will give you AIDS. Number 6 will shock you! We are all Jonah Hill\u2019s coffee right now. Vaccinate your children with bleach. Number 3 will shock you. 10 of the saddest suicide notes. Jeffery Epstein will break your heart. Behind the scenes of Don\u2019t Look Up \u2013 is this the film to save us. Lakers up by ten \u2013 join us after the game for the round table discussion. Barron Trump \u2013 tall or riddled with cancer? The answer may shock you (it\u2019s both).<\/i><\/p>\n
From inside the pulsing obscenity comes the red note, a blood curdling thrum that registers on every known level. The cavernous interior is lined with the naked, mewling near-corpses of every living thing that has ever been.\u00a0<\/p>\n
A noise like a thick mucus cough comes from the tumescent flesh-engine of the enormous machine. It rips apart the four-dimensional Hilbert space surrounding the HuffPost and the entire universe lurches to the right approximately twelve trillion miles. Suddenly, the HuffPost comes face to face with another enormous being. Sensors inside the small, cuboid officer\u2019s deck relay this information to the captain of the HuffPost, a being with a name so complicated that attempting to say it would immediately dislocate your jaw. The captain smiles. He does not need the advanced smegmatic relays to tell him that the vessel drifting aimlessly opposite is the one they call the Fox. He can smell the yellow bile that seeps through every single pore of the bio-synthetic lining. He can already sense McConnell, sense his helpless ovulation. He can see the rotting patch of gray fat that was once his face. The captain licks his lip.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I can smell your cunt, little one <\/i>he whispers.\u00a0<\/p>\n
From the bowels of the HuffPost comes a wet roar. Fourteen billion liters of prebiotic-semen rush from two festering spheres the size of the moon, coating the screaming woundbeasts that make up the HuffPost\u2019s cavernous walls. It rips the top layer of humanity clean off like a scab, billions of people drifting in a bubbling sea of cum and blood.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Jonah Hill will give you AIDS. Number 6 will shock you! (gurgle) We are all these cured meats right now. (burp) Vaccinate your children with Jeffery Epstein. (gurgle)\u00a0 Number 3 will shock you. 10 of the saddest round table discussions. Barron (splutter) Trump will break your heart. Don\u2019t Look Up is riddled with\u00a0 cancer (wheeze) The answer may shock you. (gasp)<\/i><\/p>\n
The solution makes its way to an ovoid aperture the size of a football pitch, where the fluid is ejected at an immensely high pressure, aimed by computers with an accuracy approaching deep-quantum perfection. Though most of the emulsion is understandably lost in the blackness of an eternal space \u2013 where it forms weird little jelly balls that seek out the hairs on your legs – a small percentage hits the immense vaginal honeycomb of the Fox, making it wrinkle inward slowly, absorbing the awful mixture. Once inside, it coats the walls of the Fox like expensive paint, making its way slowly towards McConnell, the deranged gelatinous skeleton that powers the whole juggernaut. Seemingly endless corridors are flooded with HuffPost\u2019s disgusting emulsified life-mix.<\/p>\n
A CLICK.\u00a0<\/p>\n
McConnell\u2019s mouth has been forced open by an unseen force, a surprisingly ancient clockwork mechanism wrenching his maw wider and wider until the skin around his mouth tears at the corners, unable to stand the pressure. The mottled, distended neck flap begins to vibrate fiercely, and like a single chicken placed in front of the Hoover Dam he begins to consume the near endless amounts of pink, screeching ejaculate.
<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0your children will break you (it\u2019s both).\u00a0 Epstein will shock you\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
(it\u2019s both).<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0you (it\u2019s both). bleach.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
Number 6 will give you (it\u2019s both)<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Trump\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u2013 is this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
this this this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0this this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
this this this this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
this this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0this\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0this the film\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0to save us. Lakers\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
up by ten \u2013 join us\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0after the saddest suicide notes. Jeffery\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
Epstein with\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
cancer?\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The answer may shock\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
you\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
(it\u2019s both)<\/i><\/p>\n
game\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
for\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
the saddest suicide notes. Jeffery\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Epstein with cancer? The answer may\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
shock you (it\u2019s…<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
The HuffPost turns and leaves. It\u2019s job is done. It will regrow the outer membrane of humankind that it shed into space. It will find another victim. It will breed and it will consume.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Back in the Fox, McConnell sleeps, his entire body slick with dripping life. Inside his tummy, nestled among the rotten feces, another being grows. If we look close enough, we can see that it is wearing a Joe Rogan Experience t-shirt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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